little monkeys

by Vlad on 26/03/2008

It’s time to finally consider purchasing a monkey. Sure, every kid’s dream has been to own a little bugger that can fling feces, but who has actually considered it as a possibility? While on a vacation in Mexico, I got the chance to handle a small squirrel monkey. Other than it being the cutest animal I’ve ever seen, she was also the softest and most intelligent.

So, on the good side, it’s cute, intelligent, special, and unique in every which way, separating it from any dog, cat, or midget you’ve ever owned. After a bit of research though, it turns out that the little primates throw not only feces, but also tamper tantrums and the box of cookies you sorted away in the cupboard last night. Ones who are blessed with owning a monkey also endure biting, scratching, pinching, and urinating in all directions. They eat like we do too, so picky monkeys could like prime rib and prime rib only, and unless you want a pissed off monkey on your hands (or quite possibly your head), you better feed it. So now that you’ve bought a monkey that doesn’t like you and has clawed out your left eye, consider the fact that the thing won’t die for 20-30 years.

Damn, I really wanted a monkey.

There are 4 comments in this article:

  1. 31/03/2008V says:

    I WANT ONE TOO! I would like to mention that they require constant attention, you have to bathe them all the time because they smell really bad and they are a bit pricey. What if it has health problems…imagine how hard it would be to find a doctor and how much $$ it would take to actually fix the problem. I still want one cause they are the coolest :) Well maybe one day…one day!!

  2. 30/05/2008whataslacker says:

    Growing up I always wanted a monkey, but now with the diseases they scare me (even if they are cute).

  3. 9/07/2008kandice says:

    this is the best thing ever!!!!!!!!

    We just got back from mexico and decided to research too and now we can’t research it because we can’t stop laughing – and wanting a midget!

  4. 14/07/2008Vlad says:

    @kandice — I’m glad you enjoyed it. Why can’t the little animals just be the little bundle of joy we all know and love? It would make the world so much less stressful.

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